Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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