So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize