lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
