All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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