Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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