She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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