I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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