I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
