this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
