? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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