he was CRYING into my vagina
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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