if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Two words: blizzard sex
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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