So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
