someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
