I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
