Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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