you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
