i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
