Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize