His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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