nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
