does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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