On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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