Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
