Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
