I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
