I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My pussy is not your playground.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
