I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have fence marks all over my body
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
