Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
