you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
