Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fuck appropriateness.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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