i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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