Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had sex on a roof
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
