never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the high leading the old right now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
