I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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