some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come share oat with me in your robe
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
