Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
