yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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