Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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