I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
