maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
