I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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