It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
