and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize