We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
