My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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