Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
