why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
what is it with giant penises always finding me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize