Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I see more hoeing in ur future
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
