Need sex. Gaining weight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
