I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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