Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
