he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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