I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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