Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
