is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
