You smell like stripper and shame
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she peed on how many people?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
