Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Your dad touched me again.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
