Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
