I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
