the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
