cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
