apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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