that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
