I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
