Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
